


Falling

by ncts00line



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Depression, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Fainting, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mentioned Kim Jungwoo (NCT), Mentioned Mark Lee (NCT)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-13
Updated: 2018-12-13
Packaged: 2019-09-17 06:09:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16969161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ncts00line/pseuds/ncts00line
Summary: donghyuck always wanted to be there for jeno, and it destroyed him when he couldnt be.





	Falling

Winters are tough. 

That's what Jeno thought as he lay in bed, mindlessly scrolling through his phone (because being left alone with his mind was not an option he had, at the moment). He felt fidgety, as if he could walk for hours without stopping, but at the same time, completely exhausted, the long days taking it out of Jeno. He wanted to pace, but Jungwoo is a light sleeper, and the last thing Jungwoo needed was interruptions while he slept.

Winters were tough, because cold and dark don't mix well with someone who wants to be warm and bright. Jeno did have a tough exterior, but his friends and his group knew he was a soft, whimsical boy with a big heart. In the summer, he felt whole, the sun thawing his heart, and his laugh frequently finding its way out of Jeno's chest. Dream often had comebacks around summertime, so spending time with Donghyuck was easy, and it made Jeno happy.

But what Jeno didn't want his friends to know, was when the days grew shorter, he felt this overwhelming numbness low in his chest and that getting out of bed wasn't worth the energy it would often take. Donghyuck knew, of course, Jeno tried, but he could never hide anything from Donghyuck. Jeno assumed the rest of the 2000 line had some idea of what was going on, without knowing the details. It wasn't that Jeno didn't trust them, he loved the 2 boys with his heart, he just didn't want them to worry about him; he wasn't worth worrying about. He had struggled to tell Donghyuck how he felt, and Donghyuck was his boyfriend. 

The night continued to wear away, the sun rearing its head through the blinds of the pairs room. Today, dream would have schedule together, a couple of interviews and a performance. If Jeno was being honest, he wasn't sure if he could bring himself to pretend he wasn't exhausted and that he wasn't slowly losing his mind. He knew would have to take it on the chin and bare it, but at least Donghyuck would be there. It would be better than yesterday, where it was only the 5 dreamies, and even better than the day before, where Jeno didn't get out of bed.

Jeno hoped Donghyuck was coping well, knowing that yesterday, the other boy had had a full day of schedule, starting at 5:30am and not coming back until way after 10pm (and only because of his curfew. Jeno was slightly wary about how Donghyuck would be when he turned 20, and would no longer have a curfew, thus meaning working even longer than he already was). Jeno was always proud of his Donghyuck, but just like how Donghyuck worried about Jeno, Jeno worried about him. 

Jeno’s sleep was sparse, he had drifted in and out of consciousness, as twisted dreams and thoughts filled his head. He pushed himself up into sitting, and swung his legs over the side of the bed in attempts to stand up. But he had to sit back down due to the black spots blurring his vision and the sudden tilt of the room, suddenly eminding Jeno that he really should eat more. 

Trying again, Jeno stood up and when he was certain he wasn't going to fall, he quietly walked out the room. Checking the big clock over the door of the dorm, it was barely 6am, and with no one needing to be up until at least 8, it explained the quietness of the dorm. Without realizing, Jeno found himself in the kitchen, pouring himself a glass of water. The anxiety that had stopped him from sleeping properly came back to haunt him, causing him to begin pacing the small kitchen, the glass still tightly held in his grip. As he drank from the glass, it was almost as if the water was filling his head, causing a off putting drowning sensation. Not bad enough he felt endangered, just slightly choked as his chest felt heavier and his mind started swirling. Jeno could tell this day would be tough, 10 minutes after waking up, he found himself already overthinking. He couldn't have a breakdown, not today. It wouldn't be like his worst breakdown though, he noted, shuddering at the memory of last January. He decided to stay longer to practice for the ever so big comeback and debut of nct 2018. However, he, again, hadn't eaten properly, this time in nearly a week, and collapsed. He lay in the studio for about an hour, before a frantic Donghyuck came running in, nearly bursting into tears when he saw what he saw. A pale, skinny Jeno, in a heap on the floor. This was the moment Jeno came clean to Donghyuck about what was going on, how he felt undeserving of any love he received, how he felt he was a horrible person who had no worth. Donghyuck held Jeno as tightly as he could, slipping out a few tears of his own as he promised he would always be there for Jeno. 

Of course, it wasn't that easy. Donghyuck, as hard as he tried, couldn't always be physically there for Jeno. Being in another unit, on top of the one they shared, meant that Donghyuck would often be out of the country for weeks at a time, and sometimes, Donghyuck felt down as well, unable to support Jeno to the best of his abilities, causing Donghyuck to distance himself, to avoid making Jeno feel worse. They always came back to each other though, being friends for 6 years, and boyfriends for 1 and a half of them, meant they couldn't stand to be apart for anything over a couple of days. 

Donghyuck truly was a sun. Jeno felt as if he could conquer anything when he was with his Hyuck. The bad times were bearable and the good times, full of bliss.

As if on cue, Jeno heard the door click open softly, it now only being 6:45am. The interruption caused Jeno to stop and catch eyes with the boy at the door. Mark was behind him, dumping his bag in front of the coat rack, but Donghyuck was over at Jeno’s side, cautiously approaching, not sure if Jeno wanted physical contact today. Jeno stepped forward, his cheek meeting Donghyuck's outstretched hand, melting into the warmth. A soft smile graced Donghyuck's face as he pulled the taller boy into a hug, and whispered, “How you doing, baby?”

Jeno just shook his head into the crook of Donghyuck's neck, the youngers grip tightening. “Have you eaten?” a question which was met with another shake. The shorter pulled Jeno carefully toward the table, sitting him down, and beginning to make simple toast for them both, with an egg for himself. He knew Jeno couldn't bring himself to eat anything big when he was like this, checking where Mark was as he remembered this fact. 

Said hyung was lay on the sofa, appearing to be taking a nap. Donghyuck's focus turned back to Jeno, who was staring blankly at the table. Finishing the breakfast, Donghyuck broke Jeno out of his trance by placing the toast down in front of him, sitting down opposite the older boy. 

“Number, angel?” Jeno’s blank eyes softened at the nickname, managing to whisper out a “3.” The number helped Donghyuck know how Jeno was feeling, on a scale of 1-10, without the other boy having to explain his feelings. 

They ate silently, each other's company being enough. Jeno took much longer then Donghyuck to finish, but that was ok, Donghyuck was fine as long as Jeno finished his food.

“Sorry I couldn't be here for you. I wish I could always b-”

“It's ok,” Jeno interrupted, “You do so much for me and I'm thankful, Truly, Hyuck.”

Jeno reached his hand across the table to hold Donghyuck's hand and smiled. Donghyuck smiled back and maybe, Jeno thought, he could get through today.

**Author's Note:**

> uhh hello? this really isnt like what i normally write, but i still wanted to post this. maybe ill regret this in the morning, but for now, this is ok. i hope with all my heart this doesn't look like romanticism of depressiom blease this shit sucks and this all came from past expereinces and how it effects me. if anyone needs anyone to reach out to, im am here, im @dreamiesintl on twt, im @norenhyuckmin on cc, please dont suffer alone. I love you + tysm for reading
> 
> -lay


End file.
